Have you ever been on a plane that aborted a takeoff? I have. You built up an incredible amount of thrust only to lose all it halfway down the runway. It doesn’t matter how fast you get going if you fail to launch.
Men, how many sexual takeoffs have you had to abort lately? Be honest. How many times has your equipment been in the up and locked position only to lose all your thrust?
For many men, this happens all too frequently. The thing is, it doesn’t need to. In many cases, your mental state is the sole cause of ED. This article is about using the techniques of erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy to help you end ED once and for all!
Erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy can help you reduce aborted sexual takeoffs
Timothy Gallwey, the author of The Inner Game of Tennis writes that for every physical endeavor, there’s an outer game and an inner game. Does sex have an inner game? You bet it does! When you fail at the inner/mental game, you experience ED.
Successfully playing the inner game of sex means having your mind in the right place before, during, and after sex. If you fail to do so, you could experience sexual performance issues. First, I will talk about the mental factors that cause and prevent erections. Then, I will talk about several mental causes of ED, and how to address each one.
Before seeking erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy
Before seeking out erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy or following the advice in this article, it’s important to see your doctor. You want to rule out any physical causes of your ED. You may also want to ask your doctor about any medications you’re taking. Many medications have side-effects that contribute to ED
What causes an erection?
To understand how erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy works, let’s talk about what causes erections. Usually, an erection results from a thought. Sure, erections can happen through manual stimulation, and other direct contact. But, more often than not, your sexual thoughts start the physiological process of an erection. In fact, your thoughts affect all aspects of your physiology.
The power of erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy is in your thoughts
Your autonomic nervous system (ANS) controls all the automatic functions of your body. Every sexual function is part of this system. You can’t consciously control whether or not you have an erection. However, by gaining control over your thoughts, you can reduce your tendency to mentally interfere with your erections.
For erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy to be effective, you need to learn how to control your thoughts before, during, and after sex. Keep reading to learn how to do that.
Your thoughts can START and STOP erections
Now that we’ve established that certain thoughts cause erections, it is only logical to assume to that thoughts also have the power to interfere with erections.
Let’s talk about some common mental reasons for erectile dysfunction and what to do about them.
Reversing the thoughts that cause ED
Sometimes, ED happens by thinking about the wrong things at the wrong time. Some people set themselves up for failure before sex even starts. For example, a man with ED might think about his performance concerns each time he thinks about sex. Before a likely sexual encounter, he may let his attention wander to his performance concerns. Such thinking sets the stage for ED. Learn to look forward to sex with positive expectancy. When you catch yourself focusing on your sexual worries, start to think about the things you enjoy about sex. Choose to think about the enjoyable experiences you’ve had in the past.
During sex, many people focus on themselves rather than on the experience. Focusing on yourself creates performance anxiety and takes you out of the moment. Remember, your erectile function is a natural, automatic mechanism. It will function perfectly fine, if you let it. The more you think about it, the more performance problems you will have. In the act, focus on the present moment and on your partner.
Finally, pay attention to your thoughts and attitudes after sex. The ideas you hold after sex sets the stage for the next encounter. Remember that your sexual performance doesn’t define you or your worthiness as a person. Sex can still be enjoyable even if you don’t perform perfectly. Whatever happens, find something positive about the experience, and look forward to the next time.
Confidence issues and performance anxiety
Performance anxiety is a major cause of ED. All performance anxiety stems from the fear of not performing up to a certain standard. This so-called sexual performance standard is often unrealistic, caused by false beliefs.
Seeking approval through sex
When you equate approval, acceptance, and even love with sexual performance, it creates anxiety. This type of fear stems from a fundamental insecurity about yourself. Such insecurity is based on the false idea that you have to “do something” to earn approval or acceptance. The solution to this type of insecurity is to love and accept yourself at the subconscious level.
Your sexual performance has nothing to do with your value as a person. You have value by just being yourself.
Some men have an inferiority complex when it comes to sex. Men with such a complex may wonder if they will measure up to their partner’s former lovers. Ultimately, this type of insecurity boils down to a lack of confidence/self-esteem. Work on your confidence and remember that your lover is with YOU now, not her former lovers. She enjoys being with you for all your positive qualities, not just your sexual performance.
Change how you think about “sexual performance”
Some men think about sexual performance as some kind of test. Sex is a partnership. Good sex depends on both partners’ ability to relax and enjoy themselves. If you see yourself as being the sole “performer,” you’re bound to feel anxiety. However, if you think about sex as performing “with” your partner instead of “for” your partner, you will relax and enjoy the experience more.
Take a sexual mulligan
In golf, a mulligan is an extra shot that you can take after a poor shot. It often reduces anxiety about the first shot because you know you will get another shot if you need one. Gil Boyne, one of the foremost hypnotherapists of the 20th century often advised his clients to do something akin to a “sexual mulligan.” He advises that if a man has sexual performance anxiety, he should tell his lover before entering the bedroom for sex. Say something like “I’ve been having a problem lately, but I just want to let you know it’s me, not you. I’m working on it.” Telling your lover about your “problem” helps take away the mental pressure to perform. Because you’ve told her that you might have a problem, your pressure to perform is relieved. Like a mulligan in golf, you’re more likely to play well when you don’t feel pressured on the first shot. This tip actually helped one of Gil Boyne’s erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy clients resolve their ED in just one session!
Conflicted feelings about your relationship or partner
What are the predominant feelings you have towards your partner? Conflicted feelings can sometimes cause performance issues. Sex is best enjoyed in a loving, committed, and stable relationship. Any doubts or uncertainty about your relationship may be contributing to sexual problems. Talk with your partner about any concerns you have. It may be time to move on if both of your needs and values in the relationship are incompatible.
Inner conflicts can be a cause of ED. You might feel conflicted about your partner or sex in general. For example, you may consciously want to have sex with your partner, but at the subconscious level, you may have doubts. You might desire sex, but another part of you is telling you that it’s wrong. It will be hard to enjoy yourself when you have these types of inner conflicts going on.
Erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy can help you resolve these inner conflicts and help you perform better. To reveal such conflicts, start by journaling about how you feel about your partner or sex in general. Conflicting feelings will naturally reveal themselves as you write.
False beliefs about sex
Some religious teachings contribute to false beliefs about sex. Many religions impose restrictive, and inflexible beliefs about sex.
Sexual problems are sometimes your mind’s attempt to protect you from being in violation of certain beliefs. Examine your beliefs about sex. Remember that sex is a natural life-affirming process. Like money, sex can be used irresponsibly. However, just because some people are irresponsible with sex doesn’t make it fundamentally wrong.
Locker room talk
During the 2016 Presidential Election, the “locker-room talk” of presidential candidate of Donald J. Trump reached the world stage. His comments highlight the exaggerated nature of “locker-room talk”. If you hung around a typical locker room and listened in, you would think that all men were Herculean super-humans, capable of pleasing any woman at any time.
Reality is much different. Men in locker rooms like to talk big for shock value and to entertain themselves. In reality, these men are just regular guys with occasionally sexual performance problems. Accepting the ideas of “Locker-room talk” deludes one into thinking that anything less than a super-human sexual encounter is unacceptable. Remember that “locker-room talk” is exaggerated at best and completely fallacious at worst. These false ideas lead to performance anxiety by pressuring men to live up to an impossible performance standard. Create your own performance standards and don’t listen to locker room hype.
Most young men are exposed to sex for the first time by watching pornography. The problem with such programming is that it creates unrealistic expectations about sex. No one has sex in real life like they do in porno movies, not even the stars themselves! Pornography creates an artificial depiction of sex that many men feel the need to live up to.
Many men subscribe to the idea that “real men” can always please their women in the bedroom. The fact is, there is not a single man alive that performs perfectly every single time. Men often put pressure on each other to perform to a “manly” sexual standard. In fact, men often link their ability to perform sexually to their “manliness.”
Your sexual performance has absolutely nothing to do with how “manly” you are. Your ability to perform has nothing to do with your identity as a man. Just adopt a performance standard that’s realistic for you and your partner. Don’t worry about what society tells you about how men “should” perform. Erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy is about casting away the unrealistic performance expectations that society has defined for men. Define a “good enough” model for yourself, and don’t worry about what anyone else says about how you “should” perform.
Releasing the past
When we experience the events in our lives, we are always telling ourselves a story about what the event means about us. If you experienced performance problems in the past, you might have accepted that you are an inadequate lover. As long those limiting ideas are allowed to run in your mind, you will continue to have performance problems. Such beliefs can be compounded by feelings of guilt or shame about not being able to please your partner. To identify your negative beliefs about your sexual performance try this exercise. Grab a sheet of paper and write at the top “My worst thought about my sexual performance is that I….” Now, write down the first negative thought that comes to your mind.
Keep doing the exercise until the piece of paper is full. These are your limiting beliefs about your sexual performance. Reverse these into positives, then say them to yourself as daily affirmations for 30-60 days. Doing so will permanently change your beliefs about your ability to perform.
Analyzing past experiences
As a man, instances of sexual performance problems can be traumatic. This is especially true if your partner made a big deal about them at the time. With erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy, you can clear away the influences of those events permanently. One way to let go of past performance problems is to replay the experiences from a dissociated (or third-party) perspective. Think about watching the event transpire on a movie screen out in front of you.
As you examine the event out in front of you, consider the following: What you were thinking or feeling at that moment? What need were you trying to meet? Think about the attitudes or beliefs that contributed to your performance difficulties. Now, decide to forgive yourself for the situation and realize that you were doing your best. Remember, there is really no such thing as failure. Every event in your life in an opportunity to improve. It’s all feedback. Do this exercise for several instances of recent sexual performance problems and you will start to notice patterns. Once you aware of the thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs affecting your sexual performance, you are well on your way with using erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy.
It is a fact that the mind knows no difference between a real experience and one that’s vividly imagined. Once you have identified the mental factors involved in your ED, use mental imagery to rehearse future encounters. For example, if you often experience sexual performance anxiety, you can mentally rehearse looking forward to sex, anticipating it with positive expectancy. You can see yourself as a confident, sensitive lover. See yourself approaching sex with positive attitudes and beliefs. When you use mental rehearsal, fill all of your sensory channels. See what you see, hear what you hear, and feel what you feel. The more you mental rehearse future sexual experiences, the more inclined you will be to be a confident lover in real life.
How to PERMANENTLY rid yourself from sexual performance anxiety
Musicians prepare for performances with rehearsal, and lots of it. Do you ever rehearse sex? Probably not. In 1971, Terry Garrity gave an excellent piece of advice in his book, The Sensuous Man. Ultimately, sexual performance anxiety strikes when you are not focused on your partner and the experience. Instead, you are focused on your own performance concerns. These anxiety thoughts lead to the suppression of your natural sexual physiology. Erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy trains you to keep your thoughts in the present moment during sex, rather than on your performance concerns. One way to keep your thoughts in the present moment, is to initiate foreplay with your partner, but then stop right before intercourse.
Just doing foreplay without intercourse removes your anxiety. This is because you can’t be anxious about intercourse if you know it’s not going to take place. Keep doing only foreplay for a specified amount of time. You will have erections during this play, but don’t be tempted to have sex. Return to sex only when you are able to keep your attention in the present moment without worrying about your performance. Of course, working with a hypnosis professional on erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy can greatly speed up the process of retraining your mind for improved sexual performance.
How to do erectile dysfunction hypnotherapy on your own – summary
In this article, we have established that your thoughts have the power to both start and stop the physiological process leading to erections. After you have ruled out physiological and pharmaceutical causes of ED, it is safe to say that your ED is probably psychological in nature. There are many causes of psychological ED. Performance anxiety can be dealt with by maintaining realistic standards for good sex, and being present during the experience. Conflicting feelings can also be a culprit. Examine your feelings about sex in your relationship. Journal about your feelings to identify conflicted feelings about sex or your partner. Talk with your partner about sex and your relationship. Become aware of your false beliefs about sex and work to change them. Examine your past experiences with ED and determine the beliefs and attitudes that may have contributed. Use mental rehearsal to promote healthy attitudes and positive mindset before, during, and after sex. Finally, ease your anxiety by doing foreplay only until you can engage in sexual activity without worrying about performance. Use these techniques regularly, and over time you will notice yourself approaching sex in a more positive way, and fully enjoying yourself in the process.
If this article was helpful, please comment below or send me an email and tell me about your success. If you recognize that it’s time for professional help with your ED, click the button below for a free consultation below. My partner and I can help you have a more rewarding and anxiety-free sex life now!
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